phantom?
by MelissaRed56
Summary: a funnier and more random version of the phantom of the opera. Better summary inside. please RnR.
1. Chapter 1

**Summery:** This is just a small story that me and a friend of mine did on the phantom of the opera.It starts off at the part with Christine in her room and the phantom taking her through the mirror (i didnt feel like starting at the begining, cause im lazy like that). It then just goes on from there. Its supposed to be a comedy, but you may think otherwise(examples: horrible, crude,dumb,really dumb, stupid.) But i only did it just for fun anyways and thought it would be cool to put it up here.I dont really care if you flame me, but only if you know its not supposed to be seriuose (and if your a serious phantom of the opera fan who dispises storys that make it none serious or make fun of it then you may not want to read this. But if your curoiuse then please read). Also if you really intend on flaming me then PLEASE do not flame me on my grammer cause i already know its bad.Ok thats all and enjoy!(o by the way this is rated for crude humor and language).

**Disclaimer:** yea you know i dont own any phantom character.

Mademoiselle Giry grabs Christine and pulls her inside the room. As she yells at the many people outside she closes the door.

"Nice job" she says unenthusiastically picking up a rose and giving it to Christine. "He's actually proud of you for once."

Christine stares down at the rose and madam Giry leaves. Christine sits down, still staring at the rose dumbfounded, waiting for some sign of thought to come into her thick little brain. But before she could start thinking a man comes in and starts saying stuff to her. She recognizes that its Roul and smiles stupidly. They have that little conversation of there's and he leaves.

Meanwhile, when Roul and Christine where talking, the phantom was walking through the corridor toward the place of Christine's mirror. He looks as if he's been having a bit of difficulty getting ready this evening for he had wet, dirty blotches on his suit and he limped a bit when walking. Apparently those trap doors he installed where getting harder to find (he had begun to forget where he put them). As he walked (or limped) to the glass see through mirror, he had just come in time to see Roul leave. He starts to chuckle and then laughs evily while he searches around for the switch to turn down the lights. He finds the switch and, clutching it, he lazily tries to pull it down, but the switch seems to have been jammed. He holds it down with both hands and started pushing with all his might.

Once Roul left it became quiet and Christinestarted back near her desk until she thought she could hear muffling and grunting sounds coming from somewhere. She thought it might be someone at the door so she went to it.

The phantom finally pulls down the switch and white sparks come flying towards his face.

The lights dim and candles blow out. Christine looks around frightened as she suddenly hears cursing and banging noises come from what appear to be behind the mirror. Steadying herself, she slowly approaches it.

The phantom pulls himself together and looks up to see Christine coming toward the mirror. Quickly he pulls out a flask containing an unknown substance and chugs it down. Coughing, he clears his throat and begins to sing. Christine stops walking and listens to the voice singing. Her breathing is fierce as if she had been running and her heartbeat was pounding deeply in her chest. Suddenly the singing stops and she looks around.

The phantom waited for her to respond, but she kept looking around as if she didn't even know where she was. Staring at her then looking around he cleared his throat.

"Um…. Your supposed to sing back…. you know?... Like we rehearsed…." Phantom said.

" Huh?" Christine said like some stupid mental child.

" You know…I sing…you sing…then I do that little magic trick thingy where I open up the mirror?" phantom said

She gave a blank look and there was an occurred silence.

"Oh fine whatever" the phantom pouts and viciously slides the mirror open. Christine looks at him surprisingly bewildered with wide bug like eyes. She looks at him in which it seems she's about to say "wooooowww" but instead she hesitates and gives him a reallydirty look.

"Have you been watching me behind that mirror all this time!" she said angrily.

Silence follows and then the phantom looks around wildly.

" Ummm…….….…HYPNOTIZE!" the phantom starts making crazy hypnotic gestures with his hands and fingerstowards her direction. Christine only looks at him like he needs to be in a crazy house and starts shaking her head slowly. The phantom looks at her frustrated and then picks up a rock and throws it at her head.

"HYPNOTIZE!" Again he makes crazy hand gestures.

"OW! Ok! Ok! ill go! She says and follows him into the mirror and they begin to sing their little duet. As they walk slowly through the corridors, their high-pitched voices echo through the building.

Meanwhile, in a bed somewhere, Meg wakes up and begins to have a hysterical fit. "What the fuck is that! AHHH! Why are they singing now! Those bastards!" She takes a broom and pounds the ceiling with it then throws it across the room and falls back asleep.

**AN:** Wow wasnt that a wonderful ending to this chapter!( i know im a genius...)(i think the next chapter will be better)


	2. Chapter 2

**Author note:** As I said in the last chapter I think this one is better, but I may be wrong…anyways um…a little thing you may like to know about me is that not all my stories or going to be like this. I only do random, crazy stories when I get bored and need to write something funny to make things more simple for me when I'm writing a serious fic…. or something like that. But, yea unfortunately the similarities of my serious fics and my funny fics are that they both have (or probably are going to have) grammar mistakes. I'm kind of lazy when it comes to that stuff. So now that you've been for warned…enjoy the story.

**Chapter 2**

Back in the corridors, Christine and the phantom go through the candle lit hall where armed shape candle staffs held shimmering candle lights, which directed the two through the hall. The phantom sung his part, but was rudely interrupted by Christine. He thought she had started singing a wrong part, but found that she was not singing, but screaming and pointing at his shoulder. He felt a burning sensation come from where she was pointing and looked down to see that his cloak had on caught on fire. He panicked and started hitting at it to put it out, but it only got worse. Christine kept screaming and panicking too and started waving and blowing on the fire furiously. The fire got worse and the phantom began to panic even more. He tried to take the cloak off and Christine tried to help, but it wouldn't come off. The phantom pushed her away.

"Stay here!" he yelled and went running off, screaming, down the hall and down a flight of stairs. For what seemed like ten minutes, the screaming went on and became fainter and fainter until it finally stopped. Christine waited for another ten minutes until she heard running footsteps and staggering breath. The phantom approached her gasping for air and dripping from head to foot. Christine didn't ask how he got drenched, but merely smiled at him and gave him her hand.

" Err…shall we continue?" She gestured forward.

"Ah….right…yes" he mumbled and he lead her once again down the hall singing once more.

They finally came down the stairs. Christine looked over to the side and saw a large stick with a horse head attached to it, hanging on the wall.

"Oh…is it play time?" She said smiling.

"No just get on the horse." He responded.

"What horse?" Christine said somewhat confused.

"The stick thing over there" he said pointing at the stick horse.

"Why don't you have a real horse?" Christine asked as the phantom took down the stick horse from where it was hanging.

"Well…uh...I…um kind of had problems with drugs and spent all my money on that." Phantom stammered. Christine stared at him blankly then shrugged.

"Oh…ok then" She said and gets on the plastic stick horse. They continued down the stairs. finally theycome to the under ground river.

"Wow! Has that river always been there?" Christine says stupidly.

"Uh…well…uh…just get in the fucking boat!" The phantom yells. Christine quickly gets in the boat and the phantom approaches a small box hanging on the side of the wall. On the box it says, "boat ride! Fives cents." The phantom growls and puts five cents into the box. A sound went off and the phantom jumped into the boat using a long stick to push it. They ride off into the river. They once again start to sing.

After about 2 minutes of singing, Christine's high-pitched voice turns into a horrible screech as the boat suddenly stops. The phantom falls on his face right in front of her.

"Uh…what just happened?" she asked.

" Well um I guess my boat kind of stopped…." He answered, getting up and making sure his mask was still on his face.

" Yes, well, I know that, but cant you just push it?" Christine asked, looking down at the sides of the boat.

"Um…no I cant, the boat has a machine under it that makes it go." The phantom said, looking down in the water. Christine looked up at him.

"You mean you've been pretending to push the boat this whole time!" Christine said astonished.

"Um…well I err…" Phantom starting mumbling something, but Christine didn't here him.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing! Never mind!" the phantom yelled and started looking around the boat for something. He finally gave up on what he was looking for and looked back at Christine. "Um…well since were stuck here…want to play a card game?"

"Yea sure what one?" Christine asked.

"Um…gold fish?" The phantom said smiling. Christine stared at him for a second then shrugged.

"Ok" she said.

-Two hours later-

"What the fuck!" The phantom yells, standing up. "Why the hell do I keep losing ahhh! You cheat I swear! I will not lose to a girl! That's it! Next card game I-

Suddenly the boat goes rocketing forward and the phantom falls straight back into the water while the boat speeds off.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Christine screams. The boat starts doing donuts and slamming off of walls. The phantom gets up and starts after the boat.

"You fucking boat! I paid five cents for you! Get your ass back here!"

The boat did come back, but instead of slowing, it seemed to have sped up. The phantom noticed this and, tripping, he frantically ran away screaming and waving his arms about. Christine, still inside the boat, sat there dumbfounded, her hair flying past her face as the boat speeded up on the phantom.

The boat went under the phantoms legs, making him trip backwards into the boat. Finally, the boat slowed to its normal pace and quietly descended past the opening gate. As it approached the house steps the phantom began to stand up. He looked down at Christine with a smirk on his face as if he had just done something quite triumphant, but had no idea he had made a complete fool of himself.

As he was just about to step off the boat it stopped abruptly making him fall forward on the steps with a loud "smack". Cursing repeatedly under his breath, he got up and kicked the boat.

"Bloody thing! Ill burn you in a pitch I will!" he yelled at it. Christine sat there looking up at him wondering if he has been seeing a shrink lately. The phantom looked back at Christine and held out his hand. She accepted it, stood up and stepped onto the platform .The phantom cleared his throat.

"Um…sorry about that my dear." He laughed.

"Oh that's quite alright." She smiled innocently and stared around the place. It was almost like a real home with furniture and everything. There were candles everywhere and other objects she could not identify. A huge organ was placed in the middle of the room surrounded by desks and cupbourds. Finally she had arrived at the phantom's lair.

**end ch.2**

**AN: **to _lady-maerad_: thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it and I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN**: sorry for the long waited update and for any stupid errors.

Chapter 3 

As Christine looked around the house she suddenly noticed the phantom staring at her and she began to stare back at him. They began to stare silently at each other for a long period of time until the phantom started making strange movements and gestures, as if he really didn't know what to say or do next with Christine. Everything became more occurred then ever between the two and finally the phantom snapped and went running towards his piano.

"Oh god I'm sorry! I just get so nervous and…" He could say no more and instead sat down at his piano and began to play a merry little tune.

_Meanwhile…inside Christine's mind_

"_Damn! I knew I should have spent the night at Roul's! I mean even though he wanted to do that one thing…it wouldn't have been as bad as this, ahhhhh horrible! This guy seriously needs to get a life I mean seriously who lives in a cave? Although…he is kind of cute. I think ill just do what he wants for a while and then ill steal his mask…I could probably get a good price for it somewhere…anyways after that I'm totally leaving…I wonder where I put that parrot…oh look cheese._

_Mind goes blank…_

The phantom continues to play on the organ. Christine walks around looking at everything curiously. The phantom gives her nervous glances.

"So um.." he coughs and stops playing. "you want to see something really cool?"

Christine shrugs "sure."

The phantom grins and jumps up like a little kid and runs off. Christine stands there waiting impatiently. The phantom comes out from a nearby corridor.

"Ok come over here." He says. Christine obeys and she approaches the spot where the phantom was standing. In front of her was a curtain. The phantom brushed the side of his face in amusement.

"…Wow…yes very nice. What a lovely curtain…can I go now?"

"No, shut up, its behind the curtain." Says the phantom in a serious tone. He then suddenly begins to laugh as he pulls on a rope and slowly pulls the curtain up. Christine becomes nervous.

_Oh shit this isn't one of those damn wax figures again is it? I've already got two those sons of bitches in my room._ Christine thought. 

The phantom started to laugh even louder and pull the curtain up even slower. Christine grew even more impatient. Finally he pulled the curtain up all the way and a spot light came on automatically.

Christine gasped. "What is that! That looks nothing like me!"

"What! No of course not! What the hell are you talking about!" the phantom shouted.

In front of them both was a beaver sitting on top of a stool. It chattered its teeth and slapped its tail.

"Of course I do see some what of a resemblance." The phantom laughed. Christine punches him in the face almost knocking off his mask. "Ow! Geeze I was just kidding! Anyways I'd like you to meet Sarah my pet beaver." The phantom grinned.

"Wow…yes very nice…what a lovely…. beaver. Can I go now?"

Ignoring her and laughing " I named him after this French prostitute I met and I…" The phantom stopped. Coughing and jumbling up his words, he didn't say anymore fearing he had already said too much. Christine pretended she didn't hear anything and stepped closer to the beaver.

Picking the beaver up. "I found him in the lake one day trying to build a dam. Isn't that sooo cutttee? He almost made my boat exploded haha! Didn't you Sarah?" The phantom pronounced, scratching the top of the beaver's head. " You wanna hold him?" The phantom asked excitingly.

" Yea, sure, whatever." Christine said and she took hold of the beaver. They stared at each other and Christine smiled nervously. " Yes what a…cutie." The beaver suddenly began to squirm in her grip. "Whoa what's he trying to do-?

"NOTHING!" The phantom interrupted. " He's just…um…scared of you!"

Christine looked at the phantom who stood there looking like an innocent little child.

" Now why would he want to be AHHHHHH!" _SMACK!_

The beaver got out of Christine's grip and smacked her in the face with its flat tail. Christine fell to the floor.

"Good boy Sarah!" Were the last words she heard and then everything went black.

**AN: **a lot better then Christine fainting from just seeing a wax figure of her self wouldn't you say? sorryfor the shorter chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

Meg Girey rushed down the hall and opened the door to Christine's room. Slamming the door behind her she looked around the room nervously. The whole room was covered with flowers of all kinds and near the corner of the room were two wax statue figures of Christine herself.

" Damn that girl's going to get lucky this week…" Meg said and she then looked up at the mirror before her. She noticed it had a gap between it and as she tip toed closer to it, she then noticed it was not just a mirror, but also a door to which you could see into Christine's room.

" Looks like someone was having fun as well." Meg said as she looked behind the door and into the see through mirror. Opening the mirror all the way she stepped inside into the hallway beyond. " Man how come I don't get a secret hallway in my room!" Meg pouted.

She kept on walking down the narrow hallway until she stop and thought she heard a strange squeaking sound down by her feet.

" What the hell is- Oh my god look it's a cute little rat! Awwwwww I want to pet it!" Meg proclaimed and bent down to pick up the nasty rat thing. But right when her hand was about to touch the horrible sewage, which was the rat's fur, the rat lightly sniffed the top of her hand and then bit it with immense force. Screaming, Meg waved her arm around violently, trying to get the creature off her, and began to run around in all directions.

" Son of a-!" Cursing loudly Meg through her hand out as hard as she could and the rat went flying from her hand. Flying through the air it gave a long squeak (like a nerf football) and smacked into a wall a few feet away. Silence followed and then Meg looked down at her hand and cursed some more. Turning to go back down the hall she bumped into her mother who was right behind her.

" MEG! How many times have I told you not to play with the rats! Now I'm going to have to give those shots before you start getting rabies once again! And what did I tell you about going into strange places by yourself! Remember what happened the last time you got lost in that vent! Now you march yourself right back into bed young lady! No more night walks for you!" Mrs. Girey took hold of her daughter's hand and pulled her Back towards her room.

_Meanwhile_

Christine woke up with a start. "Ahhhh beavers!" she yelled. She had apparently just awoken from a bad dream. Calming herself she looked about the room and noticed she was lying in a bed strung around by a see through curtain. She began to sit up when she suddenly heard a strange clicking noise come from somewhere close to her. Looking beyond the curtain, to her right side was a strange monkey figure dressed in a pursian style with tiny little cymbals in its hands. Moving the curtain away, Christine noticed the clicking sound was coming from this little statue, which looked to be like a music box, but it was in very poor condition as if someone had bashed it in a couple of times.

Suddenly the Monkey came to life. It began to separate the cymbals to a larger distance from one another and it seemed like it was about to play music. Christine stared at the tiny figure for some time, but it did nothing. Then suddenly with a loud "CRASH" of the cymbals it began to sound nothing like a music box, but more like a very annoying alarm clock. Bashing its cymbals together with great speed, instead of playing music it began to yell in different languages and with English it said, "wake up sun shine! It repeated this and it didn't seem to stop.

Putting her hands to her ears, Christine started cursing and then took the statue and tried to figure out how to turn it off. She couldn't find a switch or anything so she took the figure and smashed it to the ground and started stomping on it with amazing power. Finally it died down and stopped. Christine, breathing hard, looked down at the monstrous contraption and knew now why it had looked so beat up in the first place.

Standing there, her memory started to come back to her and she then remembered what had happened before she blacked out.

" That son of a bitch sicked a beaver on me!" Christine yelled and then hastily made her way to entrance of the bedroom. Stopping suddenly at the doorway she looked out and saw the phantom at his piano, writing and in deep thought. Smirking sinfully, Christine got a very mischievous thought in her head. Giggling madly (but quietly) she tipped toed closer to the phantom making sure she didn't make a sound.

Then, standing right behind the phantom, with one powerful swipe she took off the one piece of fabric that she knew would cause the phantom much frustration.

" Yeonk! I got your mask!" Christine laughed and went running the opposite direction.

The phantom, totally baffled by what just happened, fell off his chair and scrambled to his feet.

"How dare you! You little viper! You little delila! Ill cut you for this!"

Laughing. "What did you just call me? Man what a loser! Who insults people like that! I mean come on that's so lame. My grandma could think of better insults!" Said Christine as she ran around a table, still clutching the phantom's mask.

" Oh believe me if I wanted to insult you I would have greatly!" yelled the phantom.

" Ok come on then what you got! Huh? HUH? Yea that's what I thought you got nothing!" Christine teased.

" You… ill…. I don't need to insult you! ILL BASH YOUR HEAD WITH A ROCK YOU LITTLE WHORE! THEN WILL SEE WHATS SO FUNNY!" The phantom yelled running after her around the table.

Christine laughed even harder and ran away from the table acting like a little kid. The phantom came after her, but before he grabbed her he stopped and gave a confused look.

" Wait a minute…. aren't you going to say anything about my face?" the phantom questioned.

Christine stopped and looked at him. "Huh? What about your-- OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE! DID SOME ONE TAKE JACK HAMMER TO IT OR SOMETHING! GOD IN HEAVEN THAT'S THE UGLIEST THING I EVER SAW!"

The Phantom stared at her. " Really?" He said

" Ha, no not really, I'm totally joking with you I don't really care." Christine said seriously, smiling.

" Oh……ok …...well that's very— JUST GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING MASK!" The phantom said. The phantom grabbed her and snatched the mask out of her hands.

" Ok, ok jeeze don't have an aneurysm or something." Christine said

" I don't have aneurysms I have seizures thank you very much! Now if you'll excuse me I need to go inject myself with some highly developed chemical to which your tiny little brain could never comprehend." The phantom said and pushed her a side.

Not knowing what the hell he was talking about Christine grabbed his arm. " Wait! You have to take me back up stairs! I have rehearsal tomorrow for the new musical!" Christine said.

The phantom sighed and murmured something under his breath. " Yes, you are right ... those fools will be missing you…"

" Uh, no, not really…just as long as im still alive they have to use me for something…" Christine shrugged.

" Oh…..ok then…" The phantom said looking around nervously. He walked her back up towards the theater.

**AN**: woo! Wasn't that exciting! Man ill tell yea…

To all who have, thanks for the reviews:

**_Fuzzy socks_:** hehehe fuzzy socks…

**_Lady-Maerad: _**Why you mostcurtianly may take Sarah on spring Breakwith you! Just remember to give him his shots every two hours or else he'll go into a series of seziures and most likley attack everything he sees...beleive me i should know...

**_CasanovaDonJuan: _**why thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

For the past two weeks, Christine stayed above ground to practice for the play. Each day she practiced very hard because she happened to be the lead role. But then, the night before the play, she found out that she was to play the silent role and dress like a guy… This definitely did not work well for Christine- who now could be found in her bedroom having a fit- wondering why Carlotta didn't get that role seeing as it was she who had more manly features and the fact that her voice was horrendous.

But nobody was more frustrated then the phantom, who knew very well that this was a big scam. On the day of the play, he was very close to getting his lasso around Carlotta's neck, but unfortunately mistaken her for the catwalk guy and ended up killing him instead in front of a whole audience.

After hearing of the death, Christine rushed up a spiral staircase with that one fop known as Roul. Singing some kind of crazy song, she lead Roul up to the balcony of the opera where she almost tripped down the staircase and fell once again from the exhaustion of singing and running at the same time.

" Oh my god! What was I thinking! That man is crazy! I mean I know a lot of people wanted to kill that catwalk guy, but come on now! He wasn't so bad…I mean there was that one night-

" Christine calm down! Its fine! Your talking madness! What's wrong with you!" Roul interrupted.

" Excuse you I'm ranting here! Can't you see I'm ranting here! See the rantingness! Yea, ranting!" Christian's hair flew about in all directions.

Roul looked at her as if she needed to take some pills or something. " Uh huh…Christine, everything's going to be alright…._ There isss nooo Phhanntoomm of the Oppperrraaa."_ Roul sang.

"…..What?…. why are you singing? Your not supposed to sing yet are you?" Christine said pulling out a manuscript.

Roul sighed. He flipped a page of the Manuscript and pointed at a line.

" Oh… right…." Christine gave a frustrated look and flung the Manuscript down into the streets below. There came a load bang. Crashing, screaming and cursing came from down below.

" So wait… when did I say anything about the Phantom of the Opera? I don't recall saying anything about him. I'm talking about that one crazy guy who lives in that mailbox across the street. He was the one killed that guy right?" Christine said innocently.

"Um…no…it was the phantom of the Opera…." Roul said nervously, considering on how much dumber Christine could get.

" Really?" Christine said. " Huh…. I wondered why Carlotta wasn't dead yet…"

" What?"

"Huh?"

Silence.

" So that's why the phantom was keeping a strangely large box of lassos in his closet." Christine said after an occurred silence.

Roul thought on asking her what the phantom planned to do with all these lassos, but instead he gave Christian a very curious look. " What were you doing in the phantom's closet?"

Christine smiled and began to laugh, but then noticed Roul was watching her. " Um… nothing in particular." Christine tried to say seriously, but ended up snorting out another laugh. Apparently she had found the phantom's secret stash…

Roul just stood there. Going back and forth from Looking out at the horizon to looking at Christine nervously. " So this um…phantom character didn't say anything about me did he?"

Christine looked at him. " Um…not that I know of…no. Why?"

Oh nothing…I just expect that he's going to want to fight me for your possession that's all…or that he's jealous." Roul coughed. " If your scared of him Christine ill make sure he never comes near you."

Christine laughed. " That would be kind of hard unless you intended on staying in my room every night."

Roul grinned…. Christine gave a nervous look.

_Meanwhile, once again inside Christine's mind:_

_Oh crap…I know what this guy is thinking… Yes… I know exactly what he's thinking…He's trying to get his hairbrush back- well he isn't getting it back! If he tries to steal it I'm going to sick that crazy beaver on him and we'll see how he feels about that. He won't look so pretty then will he? Oh no, not at all…_

This just goes to show how thick brained Christine is and unfortunately how easy…

Christine smiled shyly at Roul and batted her eyes. " Oh well you may come to my room anytime Roul." She said innocently. " You bastard…"

"What was that?"

"Huh? What? - Bastard!" She coughed. " Oh dear me, I seem to be catching a cold, I think we should start heading back now."

Roul stared at her blankly. " Well I suppose…"

" Oh Roul what shall I do though! The phantom is so much more smarter then me and… stronger. But yet he taught me how to sing and lifted me from the darkness. I know he's done some bad things, but…it isn't totally his fault! I mean, apparently he blames it on his face, but we all know that that's a-

"Christine…what are you trying to say" Roul interrupted again. Obviously he liked interrupting people in mid sentence. The stupid fop…

Christine ignored this and went into his arms. " Oh Roul I…I'm…I don't know what to do."

" Yes Christine I know…you have a knack for that"

Christine gave a confused look and then shrugged. " Yea…that's kind of true."

Roul turned her around so he was behind her and he slowly began to sing to her. Christine began to sing too and soon they both were singing "All I ask of you".

Suddenly while Christine was singing, a shoe came out of nowhere and hit her in the face, knocking her off balance.

" OW! What the hell! That's the sixth fucking time I've been hit in the face with a shoe! Seriously what am I? Target practice!"

Roul stared down at her and merely shrugged. He lifted her up and they both went out the door from the Balcony.

- Once they left a strange figure lurking in the dark stepped out. The Phantom's anger and despair showed as he stalked to the middle of the balcony. When Christian and Roul were talking he didn't think much of it, but when they started to sing his anger flared and he got so angry that when he took off his shoe and threw it, he hadn't meant to hit Christine (or did he?). Now, picking up his shoe he held it in his hand towards his face and started to sing. He tried crumbling his shoe, but seeing as it was made of leather he couldn't do much so he threw it down into the street. Once again there was a loud bang and some heavy cursing.

Then, shaking, he ran toward a nearby statue and, almost tripping, he climbed onto it and sang loudly towards the sky.

_" You will curse the day you did not doooo! All that the phannnntoommm assskkedd of-_

" Hey Look!"

The phantom nearly almost fell off the building as some random person yelled up at him from down below.

"Look everyone! There's a man up there! He looks like he's about to jump!"

Gasps and shouts came from down below.

" WHAT! HOW DARE YOU! I WASN'T ABOUT TO JUMB!" The phantom shouted at them. "I MAY HAVE ISSUES! BUT THAT'S WHAT DRUGS ARE FOR YOU IDIOTS!"

" Johnny, cover your eyes! I don't want you to see this!" Said a random woman.

" Aw come on mom!" Said a boy.

" Oh my god! You people seriously need to get a life I mean just because I'm-

" Just fucking jump already!"

The phantom started making crazy noises and gestures. " I…you…ill…. ILL CUT YOU ALL, I WILL!" The phantom lashed out and stepped off the statue. Not knowing of what else to say he started cursing immensely under his breath and stormed off out of site.

**AN: **I don't what to say about this one…

Thanks for the reviews everyone!

To **_evil humor_:** I'm glad you had fun with Sarah! I was most certainly pleased to steal him (from the phantom) for you…. cough …shhhh… don't tell him…I already stole some of his lassos the other day and he's already getting suspicious…

and to: _**Wandering teen**_: Im glad you enjoy my fic! I enjoyed yours too! (seeing as its on my fav list...duh)anyways, i wasnt exactly trying to make the phantom canadain, i actually didnt think of that when i put Sarah into it, i mean after all there are beavers in michigan too...i think...hehe ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

The Masquerade ball was not something Christine was looking forward to. Ever since that night on the balcony with her and Roul she felt something was wrong. Not only did she start receiving mysterious hate mail, she also received pictures of what looked like the outline of a beaver in the background of her bedchamber. This sparked some serious suspicions of what the " phantom" was up to.

Every time she walked back to her bedchamber she could sense the slightest sound of someone breathing intensely behind her. However, every time she looked behind, there was no one to be seen.

Roul had been having quite some problems too, though much worse then Christine's. Someone kept mixing his hair products together so now instead of his hair being silky and soft it now looked like a giant piece of crap on top of his head. Christine couldn't help but laugh at this even though it was a serious ordeal to Roul who spent three weeks getting it back to normal.

Even though these happenings repeated for many nights, Christine knew it must be the phantom. She tried to look for him, but every time she went into a dark corner she would end up face to face with either Carlotta or some crazy man looking for his glass eye (or both of them making out…). She finally gave up on that and decided to try to go back down to his chambers.

Looking for the phantom's hideout, however, was much more difficult then she thought. Not only had it taken her four days to figure out how she had gotten down there in the first place, once she figured out how to open the mirror, she got lost. When she finally came to the lake she found she had no money for the boat ride so she had no choice but to go back up to her room.

She decided then to just wait until the night of the ball. She knew the phantom would show up then.

When getting ready for the party in her private chambers, Christine suddenly heard a strange knock. Not coming from the door, but from the mirror. Excitement rose in her, as she knew it must be the phantom. Running in her under garments towards the mirror she suddenly stopped.

"Who's there?" She asked in a high squeaky voice.

Some coughing and then " um…I'm sorry madam, but…. I've seem to have lost my glass eye…"

The smile faded slowly from Christine's face and turned into a dull looking irritation.

" Um…. did you check your pocket…" she asked sweetly.

No response

" Sir?…………" When there was no answer Christen shrugged and got dressed for the party feeling greatly distraught.

As the masquerade went on its way Christine stared with her eyes glazed over at a nearby wall as she stood waiting for Roul to shown up. They had gone all out this year with planning the Masquerade ball with grand decorations and beguiling masks to which dozens of people wore.

Not like last year, which was nothing but five people, one bottle of brandy, a goat, and a couple of men in drag and all Christine could remember was waking up with a trench coat on with her socks gone and confetti strung in her hair.

Although she'd have to admit that was quite an adventure, she still was quite pleased with this years Masquerade. As she saw Roul come down the stairs towards her, his hair combed back in a way so that you couldn't see what was left of the enormous mess of hair on the back on his head, she gave a big smile and blah….

As they went off together in secret flight, the phantom waited in the nearby shadows watching people walk around and near the grand staircase. There was singing and dancing and drinking all around him. He would have gladly given in to the happy merry feelings of a strong brandy that was being passed around, but not tonight.

He had been drunk the last two weeks and he was just beginning to pass out of his hang over and besides, tonight he shall give the management and Christine a piece of his mind! And for that it be best to be sober for, the last time he tried to give them a piece of his mind while he was drunk, he found the next day that he had been talking to a chinchilla instead. How embarrassing!

While raving like a lunatic inside his mind he suddenly caught Christine in the corner of his eye. Seeing her with that Roul fellow he suddenly became determined to confront them and everyone else. Just as he was about to step forward however, a man dressed in a clown suit got in his way and befuddled his all determined thoughts.

"Well hello there my good fellow!" He proclaimed in great gesture.

Erik punched him vigorously in the face and hurried off in another direction. He knew what that clown wanted and he wasn't going to get it!

As he walked fiercely toward the staircase, to which he was trying to go down to where Christine was, he was once again face to face with a mysterious individual.

" Why excuse me sir, but I've seemed to misplace my glass ey-

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!!!" Erik shouted for all our curiosities. He pushed the man a side and rushed down the grand staircase.

He continued to push people aside and quickly forgot about the grand entrance he was supposed to have made.

Christine, suddenly noticing Erik rushing towards her, froze in stupefied shock.

Suddenly Erik tripped over a step and went flying face first unto the ground, his cape flying over his head. Everyone stared silently down at him in surprised dismay and a young lady near the back fell to the floor, unconscious. (I'm not quite sure why)

Picking himself up his cape became entangled around his head. Cursing like a mad man he uncovered the cape from his head.

"Fucking capes. I knew I should have gotten it safety proofed…damn thing always seem to get entangle around me head…" Erik murmured while smoothing out his cape. He suddenly noticed everyone was staring at him.

Clearing his throat. " Good evening" he said in a gentlemanly fashion. " How do you all do?" He bowed.

No one said anything

Christine glanced nervously back in forth from the people and the phantom. "Why Erik" she said sweetly. " Whatever are you doing here at this time?"

Erik swayed for a minute then waved his hand in a clumsy gesture. Apparently he was either drunk or had a massive hangover, but clearly didn't realize it.

" I…." He began to say in serious tone, but then suddenly began to laugh.

Christine gave him a puzzling stare, wondering if he had lied to her about quitting his drug habit.

He then suddenly became very angry. " HOW DARE YOU ALL CONSIDER YOU CAN JUST COME IN HERE AND DEFECT SARAH'S STATE OF MENTALITY!!! HE HAS FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW!! YOU SHALL ALL WITNESS YOUR DEMISE FOR I! I SHALL BE THE ONE TO DEMISE IT!!

"…What?"

" ILL…ILL CUT-

"You cut us all? Yea, we know." Said a man rolling his eyes.

" Damn I need to think of a new threat." Erik murmured.

Trying to change the subject(even though there wasn't really a conversation) the phantom then suddenly said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Um…. have any of you seen my beaver?"

The crowd started curiously.

"Um… What does it look like?" said a strange fellow.

" It looks like- YOU! AH HAHAHAHA! SCORE ONE FOR THE PHANTOM!!"

Everyone gasped in bewilderment to his discourteous remark and yet another lady in the back fainted from unknown causes.

"Damn…why do they always do that when I'm around." The phantom murmured.

Christine then came over to him very cautiously. " Why Erik. What has made you act like this!?"

"Erik?" he said in a serious expression. "Um…my name is Jerry."

"…What?" whispered Christine.

" Um…jerry…my real name is jerry." Said the phantom.

"But I thought you said it was Eri-

"MY NAME IS JER- Wait… I mean…hahahahaa! No my dear, I'm _the_ _phantom of the opera_!

Awkward silence

" So wait…who are you?" said another strange fellow.

" Um, the phantom of the opera…." The phantom said.

Clueless looks upon all their faces.

"You know! That guy who like…stalks everyone and scares people and stuff…"

Still clueless.

" Oh come on! I'm the guy… you know!" he imitates little Meg's high-pitched voice. _"Oh my god he's here! It's the phantom of the opera!"_

Everyone stared at each other still with clueless expressions. Even Christine some how suddenly looked at him as if she never seen him before in her life, which made her, tilt her head to the side with uncertainty.

"Uh Eir- I mean Jer- phantom- whoever the hell you are…maybe you should like sit down or something." Christine said innocently grabbing hold of his arm.

_Meanwhile in Erik's mind:_

_Damn I knew something was wrong with me! It was that damn clown! He's been following me for the past week! He must have injected me with something again. He still isn't going to get what he wants! Hehee I'm wearing fuzzy socks…._

Erik then got out of Christine's hold and rushed to the middle of the room and the grand staircase.

" HERE ME NOW! THIS IS NOT THE LAST YOU SHALL SEE OF ME MY DEAR FRIENDS! OH NO. THIS IS THE DAY YOU ALL SHALL EVER GO IN FEAR OF THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! HAHAHA!"

Erik then took a glass vile from his pocket and threw it to the ground. Just as a small puff of smoke billowed out from it, a random guy fell through the floor and hit the ground below with a loud bang.

"…Ow " Came and echo from down below.

By this time, Erik's small puff cloud had disappeared.

" Damnnit! Why does this always happen!!!" Erik said furiously. He gathered up his cape and started to stride toward the trap door.

" I fucking swear these damn trap doors move by themse-

The floor open up again and Erik went falling downward, his cape flying once more over his head.

There was another loud bang and heavy cursing.

" Well, that was interesting…" Said Christine.

" You want to see something interesting." Smiled Roul.

" Not now Roul." Christine proclaimed.

She told him she would meet him later and she headed back toward her dressing room. She now became extremely nervous to what the phantom might be planning next.

**An**: well…at least I got a new chapter in. so anyways I went to go see the phantom musical the other day and the phantom is _crazy_! But really hot too… and it was a lot more humorous then the movie. There was this part where he sings _music of the night_ to Christine, when he starts singing the part "_turn your face away…"_ he does this thing where he plasters his hand on Christine's face (after she looks like she about to protest something) and pushes it away from his own as if he's turning her face away from his own then from a source of light. It may not seem funny now but holy crap it was hilarious when I saw it (even though it wasn't supposed to be funny). I couldn't stop laughing. It was insane…


End file.
